put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
