Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
