My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
