i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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