Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
