Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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