i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
