I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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