I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
