So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
