I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Houston, we have a blender
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
