Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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