so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
