you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
