Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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