i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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