If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
