I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
