omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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