Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
