Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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