This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
