my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
