there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
