Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
