Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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