i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
