I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
