So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
