escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
