Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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