The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
