Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
