Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
