We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
