If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
