i permit you to call me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
