then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
