My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
