Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
