i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
