I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What a fucking waste of an outfit
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
