Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
