Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
