dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
