Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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