Don't make out with my wife yet
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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