you would pick up someone in the library
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
