it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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