Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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