You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
